05.04.2023
Are you still there? Do you still think about it? About us? I’m not sure why I’m writing you this, it’s been years since I heard from you, since I saw your face for the last time. But I stumbled on some old print screens of our conversations and everything came back like a massive wave trying to drown you. I can’t say that I remember the sound of your laugh or the way you made me feel, yet reading everything still hurts almost as much as back then hurt writing it. Maybe I have a way with words like my old therapist said this one time. Maybe I truly do. Or maybe a part of me is still hurting after everything… I don’t know, but in all honestly, I don’t have time to think about it, I rarely do these days. You know, have time to think. Or maybe I do have time but I always end up not thinking about any of these. Probably that’s it.
I haven’t thought about you or everything we went through in a long while, more than a year actually. Aren’t you proud of me? I know that I am. But I also know that I miss you some days. I miss your friendship, I still catch myself thinking “Oh I need to send her this, she will get it” but I never do send it. Because at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter. We have both moved on, but I think you should know this though…
Everything is still the same, you know? I mean, you probably know, we follow each other on social media. I mean, of course, everything changed, but in a way, it still feels the same. Is that weird? From the outside it still feels the same, I’m not the same though… Fuck… This is hard, it’s hard to know the right words. I don’t want you to think that I still have feelings for you. God, no! I don’t, believe me. I’m just trying to say that both of us are still with the same people we were, like nothing happened… And if you think about it, I’m positive that the only reason for that it’s because we weren’t honest. Also, I lost your ring a year and a half ago. And I thought that losing it would break my heart, but it didn’t. I just went on with my day like nothing happened… I lost it on the train, btw
Never apologize for burning too brightly or collapsing into yourself every night. That is how galaxies are made.
Flowers grow back even after the harshest winters. You will too.
18.08.2021
What happened to the fluid and endless conversations? To the “fml it’s 4am again, I need to get home”?
It seems that we’re trying way too hard now.
It seems that I’m trying way too hard… I haven’t heard from you in a while. I had the feeling you were the one, that no matter what happened you were always gonna be mine as much as I was always gonna be yours. But now everything is fadding away and I’m not sure if we are strong enough to get pass this. It feels that both of us decided to forget every word and move on. I wish I could say that I still remember the sound of your voice or the shape of your face, but it’s simply not true. Your ghost is fadding so fast that I’m not sure you were ever real…
What happened to our unbreakable bound? Why did we stop talking? And what is going to happen in December when we meet again? Are the feelings going to come back and sweep us out of our feet? Or is it just going to feel empty and numb?